Motion Sickness
by Minnet
Summary: Braig just has to torment every living creature in the castle. Things go awry when Ienzo arrives. Week old clam chowder, something involving a mop, and short jokes. Poor Even always gets the short end of the deal in the end. Part Three is up.
1. You Smell Like Week Old Clam Chowder

What the crap? Is this a new story? When I haven't even finished the second part to _Mocking Bird_? What the crap am I on?

Actually, this is a gift story for a friend. The wonderful Guavi. Yes, send her your love. xD

Am I still going to be typing stuff for _Mocking Bird_? Yes, I just got inspiration for how I should actually _write _the second part on the bus the other day while listening to the wonderfulness that is Third Eye Blind. I'll be writing on and off, due to homework and video games and short/long periods of lack of inspiration. Just a short update on my status as of now. 'Kay, enjoy the fic.

I do not pwn Kingdom Hearts or anything relating to the game. But you little geniuses knew that already, didn't you? Some "disturbing" content, and I would say OOC'ness, but this is before they were Nobodies, so I won't say that. Enjoy.

* * *

It was an ordinary day, just like any other day… As said, "ordinary". Braig was lying down on a large, over-stuffed sofa in one of the many common rooms of Radiant Garden's castle. Many? Yes, many. The castle was so ginormous that there were at least seventeen common rooms, twenty-one bedrooms, and thirty-eight bathrooms. But that's beside the point.

On this particular day, the future sniper was bored. Bored? Yes! He was bored. Why, you might be wondering? There was nothing to do! You see, before the whole icky little incident with Xehanort turning everyone into Nobodies, Braig was a sly, fun-loving guy. He just wanted to enjoy something. Amusement. That was it. But, as I said before, he was bored. He couldn't find anyone else in the castle. Nobody. He'd searched high, he'd searched low, and he'd even searched at eyelevel. Finding Nobody, he gave up his search.

Could Even have still been mad about the disappearing thirty page essay over gravitation? Even had spent so much time working on it, so much effort poured into thirty measly pages! The elder of the two hadn't thought it that hard, it'd been a breeze for him. But, then, gravity and the like was where he specialized, while Even was more of an intellectual, not a hands on type of guy. And watching Even run around the castle in search of the paper (which he eventually found floating above the statue of the deer in the seventh hallway, to the right of the second staircase, in the north wing of the castle) was a bit too much fun for him. The blonde eventually found out who did it and Braig was sentenced, by Master Ansem, to mopping the entire first floor of the castle. The work was tiring, but worth it nonetheless.

In his boredom, Braig began practicing his hold over gravity. Making a suit of armor's spear sail about the impossibly high ceiling and then imbed itself in a violet and rouge tapestry. The man chuckled to himself. He always did like motion… **harmful **motion. He began to think.

**x.x.x**

An uncertain amount of time later, Braig became bored of being bored and got up from the couch to… find something to do. The man sauntered through the hallways, beginning his quest to find someone to bother (again). After wandering down a few corridors and finding no one in any of the common rooms he passed by slash through, Braig made his way to the kitchen (yes, it's **always **the kitchen). Inside, he found Even looking through the refrigerator and Dilan drinking a cup of some warm beverage and sitting at the counter. You know, the part that sticks off from the wall, where you sit and eat at. That part of the counter.

"Mornin' boys!" he greeted them cheerfully. "How's life treatin' ya, Dilan?" In answer, Dilan shrugged apathetically and continued sipping his drink. "Even, you're looking ravishing today! What'd you do? Did you change shampoos? Get a haircut?" Braig asked sarcastically and clapped his hands together and held them under his chin (pretending to look enamored), as the blonde continued to search for something he would want to consume. When Even didn't reply, the man just smirked at his back. "Don't tell me that you're still mad… about that stupid assignment?"

Even grumbled several obscene words under his breath.

"Come on! You _found _it! I don't see what the big deal is!" Braig exclaimed while crossing his arms.

Whipping around to face Braig, Even stared down the other man. "Maybe, the big deal is the fact that the paper was due within an hour of its disappearance! Maybe the _big deal _is the fact that it took me hours, upon hours of research to compile a **thirty **page paper on _gravitation_!" he ended, saying the final word with a certain amount of distaste.

"O, it wasn't that hard," replied Braig, shrugging nonchalantly. "Stop your pissing and moaning and get back to whatever you were doing. Tch, I don't even know why you were talking to me. Leave me alone." Turning his back on the blonde, he strode over to the counter and sat a seat down from Dilan. Even glared at him while he was walking away.

"Don't complain. After all, _you _were the one that talked to me in the first place. Not that I'd want to speak with you, as it would be impossible to hold an intelligent conversation for more than thirty seconds," he snapped, all the while contemplating whether or not he wanted to throw the week old bowl of clam chowder he had found in the fridge at Braig or not. He decided not to; no matter how much fun violence was, it was never the answer. Or so Master Ansem told them.

"Yeah, whatever. You talk too much anyways…" commented Braig, while turning around and around in his nifty spinny chair. "I wish your mouth was as tight as your asssssssshole is, though," he continued while spinning and then stopped suddenly, his long black ponytail whipping him in the right eye. This caused his eye to water and sting; his next line would have looked so much better being used on Even, had it not appeared that Braig was crying. "(sniff) Yeah, 'cause then shit would only come out when it absolutely **had** to!" he exclaimed proudly, while wiping a tear away (much to his discontent; he'd always wanted that line to sound cool and collected, instead he semi-cried). Down the counter, Dilan smirked a bit and then took a sip of his drink.

Even just scowled. "O, _how _clever. How long did it take to come up with that? Twelve minutes?"

"Hell no, man! Only five!" Braig grinned triumphantly, despite his childish behavior, then walked over to the refrigerator (after pushing Even out of the way, causing him to fall against the counter ((no, not the part Dilan was sitting at!)) and grunt in pain). Braig then proceeded to look through the fridge.

Rubbing his side where he fell into the counter, the blonde glared at the other again, as Dilan half-smiled in the background of the scene. "I was here before you! _I_ was Master Ansem's **first **choice as an apprentice! _You _need to learn respect!" he said coldly and stomped his foot.

In front of the refrigerator, Braig looked over his shoulder and smirked. "Well, **you**… need to wash your hair!" he shouted, giving Even just enough time to sport a dumbfounded expression, before a bowl of week old clam chowder was sent sailing into his forehead, successfully slopping over his hair and face. Dilan went into a fit of howling laughter and Braig began giggling uncontrollably. The bowl crashed and shattered at the blonde man's feet, sending shards of clammy ceramic across the marble floor and successfully spotting his casual black pants with bits of chowder. The other two watched as Even reached a hand up to his face and rubbed the week old clam chowder off of his face, which was now contorted into a look of complete disgust.

"I… **hate** seafood…" was all that escaped the man's lips, before he trudged out of the kitchen, dripping the creamy sauce and bits of clam on the floors of the castle's many halls. The two other men continued laughing, Dilan holding his sides and bent forward over the counter, and Braig having to use the edge of the counter to support himself, so he wouldn't fall over from laughing so hard.

Dilan stopped laughing first. "W-Why must you always torment him?" he inquired of the other man, moving one of his many braids behind his ear. Trying to stop his laughing, Braig sighed and then sat down in a chair at the end of the counter, then faced Dilan.

"Well… Why do I gotta bother him so much?" he reiterated, incorporating his own slang and valley-ish accent into the sentence. "Probly because he's the only one that'll take it! Would you put up with it? I didn't think so, now way. What about Elaeus? As if! Man, if I took one step in the direction of his rock samples, geological crud, and books, he'd be all over my ass like a hobo on a tater tot!" He smiled. "Better believe _that_."

The other man half-smiled at the crude joke and shook his head. "Braig… you are so immature." Said man grinned and nodded his head animatedly. "I have something you might like to know." Braig looked across at him slyly.

"And what might that be?"

"Master Ansem has accepted a new apprentice." There was a stupefied expression on Braig's face. "You didn't know?" He shook his head. "It must be because our wonderful Master knows how obnoxious you are and would hate for you to torture his new student." Dilan had a sinister smile on his visage. That means face.

"Then why are ya telling me this, if the old dude doesn't want me to know?" asked Braig.

"Because I enjoy turmoil." Braig now wore a wicked smile of his own.

"So, when is this guy supposed to be here?"

Looking over to the classic kitchen clock in the shape of a cat that hung on the wall, Dilan spoke. "Actually, in around five minutes. He could be early or late; you may want to go to the entrance as soon as possible… so you can 'show him around'."

Braig's smile grew wider. He stood up from his spinny chair, said a casual "Thaaaaaanks" to the other, and left the kitchen, slipping a bit in the spilled clam chowder on his way out. Dilan smirked. "That is a dead man. At least I'll be able to enjoy it, while it lasts." He finished his random heated beverage.

**x.x.x**

"…now I'm struggling to survive. Those days you were wearing that velvet dress. You're the priestess, I must confess, those little red panties they pass the test…" was the song Braig heard when rounding the corner in a hallway that obviously led to Even's room. The clam chowder droplets were still on the floor, but being mopped up by the loyal blonde, serf-servant-wannabe karaoke star of the castle, as he shook and swayed, dancing with the mop and singing (a terribly off-key version of) _Semi-Charmed Life_.

Looking down the hallway at the boy, Braig saw him leaning forward on the mop and singing into it as if it were a microphone. He crossed his arms, tapped his foot, and cleared his throat. Yeah, as if that ever works in getting someone's attention. "D'Yem, what the Hell are you doing?"

Out of shock, the boy fell face-forward onto the mop.

"Molesting inanimate objects isn't exactly a social… norm, if you catch my drift, little guy?" said Braig, trying his darndest not to laugh at the rather compromising position that D'Yem was in.

D'Yem (I love that name!) got up, brushing his wet robe off and straightening up. "I wasn't molesting the damned mop and you know it, so just shut the Hell up…" he said, pouting a bit.

"D'Yem, don't cuss, you're too much of an amateur. I think ya need a few more years before you're able to use words like that," Braig told the boy, whilst passing and patting him on the shoulder a bit roughly. "By the way, has anyo--" At that moment, there was a loud bell sound. "The doorbell!"

The boy gave a puzzled expression. "What's so exciting about _that_?"

"We've got a new extension to our little 'family' showing up today… I'm thinking that's him!" Braig replied and smiled wickedly.

"Jeez, and I thought it mighta been something important!" shrugged D'Yem nonchalantly and then picked up his mop.

"Shut up, it's not as if you knew someone was coming!" The bell sounded again, echoing throughout the castle. "Get back to cleaning the floors, as is your place, slut-boy!" said the man in false 'O, I'm such much better than you'-ness and walked/pranced off, on his way to the front doors.

D'Yem just stared as he watched the grown man act as if he was seven years old. He then went back to his mopping, beginning to hum a tune, then fully breaking out into song. "It's a piece of cake to bake a pretty cake, if the way is hazy…"

**x.x.x**

Braig arrived at the large, oak front doors to the castle (ooo, cliché) just as the bell was wrung for the third time; the notes of D'Yem's new song, echoing in his ear drums. Upon opening the door, he didn't spot anyone at first, but then looked down to see a small brunette boy of about sixteen, standing and waiting calmly to be let in. He smiled in a sinister fashion again. "Helloooooooo, and who might you be?" Braig asked sweetly.

The boy looked up at him with a blank face. "My name is Ienzo; I was summoned as an apprentice to Ansem the Wise. Are you the page that answers the doors and performs other trivial tasks?" the boy questioned, bored.

Braig's eye twitched. "**As** _if! _I'm an apprentice!" he said coldly, stomping his foot.

"Well you don't act like one."

"And how the Hell would you know? I've been speaking to you for, what, like a minute? Yeah, you're cool!" answered Braig rudely.

"You smell like week old clam chowder."

The man's posture stiffened, and then relaxed again, and he turned on his heel, walking into the doorway, then waiting for the boy. "Well? Get the Hell inside, or else you'll be sharing a room with D'Yem!" Still maintaining his bored, blank expression the boy, Ienzo, picked up his lone sack of belongings and entered the castle, casually asking who this D'Yem was. "Trust me, kid, you'll find out soon enough…" was the answer, as horrid singing met their ears. They walked through the magnificently huge foyer, Braig's heels clicking on the stone floor, and the boy's feet making shuffling sounds. The noises weren't able to quiet the singing any, though, as the racket just intensified as they walked further into the castle.

"I love Jesus, yes I do! I love Jesus, how 'bout you?" came the loud screeches that happened to be D'Yem's voice.

"D'Yem! Shut the Hell up, or else I'll drug you with opium and then castrate you in your sleep!!exclamationpoint!1!" Braig yelled. "And what did I tell you about the dammned mop?"

"I'm sorry!" said the blonde, dropping the mop to the floor, hands behind his back as if he hadn't been doing anything. "C'mon! I hadn't been doing anything!" he tried to defend himself… and then eyed the mop slyly.

Braig planted his fists on his hips, then started walking toward the servant-boy, Ienzo following nonchalantly (isn't that word cool?). The man bent and picked up the mop, keeping an eye on D'Yem all the while.

"Why're ya takin' that? I wasn't doing anything! Why does this always happen to me?" he whined, beginning to throw a tantrum, but then becoming distracted upon noticing Ienzo. "O, hey… who's your little friend?" asked the servant-boy, pointing at the brunette.

The man looked down at the boy and scoffed. "O, trust me, this guy ain't my 'friend'; far from it, in fact. He said I smelled like clam chowder."

"Week old clam chowder, actually," corrected Ienzo quietly.

"Whatever, ya little prick."

Eyeballing the boy from head to toe, D'Yem gave a little giggle, causing the other two to look at him in a questioning manner; he spoke to them. "O… it's nothing… It's just that… he's kind of… **SHORT**!"

Then, Ienzo showed his first sign of emotion. His eye twitched and his face became a light shade of crimson. From anger, not from blushing you yaoi obsessed fangirls! Anyways. "Don't you **dare **to _ever _call me that again, or else I'll cut out your entrails and strangle you with them as you sleep!" the boy hissed malevolently under his breath. D'Yem looked absolutely disturbed. Braig was bewildered.

"Wha… what did you just say?" he asked. Instead of an answer, Ienzo just looked up and glared at him sideways. "Okaaaaaay then… We'll just be going, D'Yem... Gotta show the kid the rest of the castle, ya know the drill. So little time, so much to see and many, many people to meet! Later, **pervert**!" called Braig, dragging Ienzo along after him, dropping the mop on his way. The servant-boy watched indignantly as Braig dragged the other boy away, but then got a sick look on his face as he saw Braig drop the mop on his way out…

**x.x.x**

Fun thoughts raced through Braig's mind. (Perverts.)

**x.x.x**

"So, uh, kid, that threat back there was kind of… violent," Braig told the boy, chuckling, after they'd already left D'Yem to his moppy-fun and were several hallways away.

Ienzo stayed calm. "Not anymore violent than your own threat involving opium and castration."

Running his fingers through his tied back hair, the man chuckled some more. "Yeah, but mine was meant in a playful manner; yours was just plain malicious…"

They continued walking and Ienzo said nothing.

"Although… I do think D'Yem had a point… you're pretty short…"

Ienzo clenched his fists so hard that his fingernails dug into his palms.

"Yeah… really short. How _old_ are you? Twelve? Haven't had your growth spurt yet, that it?" asked Braig, partially talking to himself, because he knew the boy wasn't listening but fuming in his discontent. "How tall are ya? You can't be over five feet… Four foot eight?"

"Shut up…" Ienzo whispered.

"Ya know… it's great. You're the perfect height for me to do… this," Braig told him, putting his arm on Ienzo's head and leaning over, putting all his weight on the boy. "Yup… None of the other apprentices are short enough for me to lean on." The brunette was fed up. He reached up and squeezed the skin covering Braig's ribs, and twisted, digging his fingernails into something other than his palms, that time. Braig could feel the fingernails pulling up skin even through his shirt.

He screamed like a eunuch.

Braig tried to elbow Ienzo in the eye, but missed; his height saved him. "Mwahahaha! What now you little bitch!" cried Ienzo, squeezing the skin harder and pulling on it even more. The boy sat on the floor, still holding onto Braig and dragged him down with him. He then stood up and proceeded to kick him wherever he could, all while keeping a very calm demeanor. Ya know, aside from when he called the man a bitch. Braig had curled into a ball, holding his knees close to his chest, so as to block all his sensitive areas… he whimpered, asking Ienzo to stop. A twisted smirk spread across the boy's face. "Does it hurt _little_ maaaan?" he asked, bending over the injured man and giggling cruelly, before straightening up and dusting his shirt off and fixing his collar.

"Yes… it hurts…" Braig whimpered, holding himself. Why am I being so mean to Braig?

A slamming and then a slipping noise came from one of the hallways branching off from the one they themselves were in, followed by heavy, sloshing footsteps, and Even appeared at the end of the corridor. He began to walk down the length towards them, a disgruntled, priggish look on his face. "What in God's name is all the noise for? I was getting ready to take a bath to wash this dis…gusting… Braig… why are you on the floor?" he asked, looking back and forth between Ienzo and the beaten Braig.

Braig just pointed at Ienzo and smiled weakly. The boy turned to look at the new arrival, with a blank, bored expression. "You smell like week old clam chowder, too."

Even's eye twitched. "Well **that **is not my fault! That little bastard on the floor threw a bowl of the paste into my hair! I was about to take a shower to wash it out, but then I heard some yelling and crying in one of the hallways… so I came. I guess I shouldn't have, since it's only _Braig _and his **short **friend." And with that, Even turned on his heel, leaving a disgruntled Ienzo and a broken, beaten, and bleeding Braig on the floor of the hallway. Gotta love alliterations.

"I'll deal with him later…" Ienzo mumbled to himself and then looked down at Braig. "Well?" he asked, crossing his arms and tapping his foot. The man on the floor gave him a questioning look, though it was a bit hard to tell that's what it was, with his eye swollen shut and his mouth bleeding all over the place. "You were supposed to be showing me the castle, not laying on the ground relaxing."

Suddenly, Braig sprung up from his pitiful position, seething with anger. "And what the Hell do you mean by '_relaxing_'? I don't exactly call some midget beating the shit out of me '_relaxing_'!" he shouted, stomping his foot for emphasis.

Ienzo, in one swift movement, poked Braig in the liver with his index finger, causing the man to fall on the floor in a spasm of pain. "_No more short remarks!_" he hissed. "Now, get up… The castle's large and I'd like to see it, or most of it, before dinner tonight. You know, have to get moved into my room and everything."

Again, Braig stood, this time clutching the area where his liver was. "Yeah, you're cool. Fine, I'll show you the damn castle, but I'll make short jokes if I want, 'kay?" he replied saucily.

The boy shrugged carelessly. "Fine; it's not as if I'll be the one being hurt."

"This is going to be a long day…" came the cliché line, as Braig wiped the blood off of his mouth using his shirt sleeve. The two began to finish (oxymoron) the tour of the castle, Braig limping as they walked.

* * *

That's part one. Part two won't be out anytime soon, though, unless I write over Christmas break, but I'll probably be busy. Or not. I'll start it Friday. But I do promise to finish this story. 'Kay?

Tell me what you thought, or don't. I don't care, but it's nice to know. xD


	2. The Scent of an OC

This one may be shorter. I'm not really up for typing another 3,500 word fic. 'Kay?

Thanks for the reviews and the support. It's appreciated, just like your face. I figure I should start this before I go and whore myself out to _Animal Crossing_ for the next few hours. One more thing before the disclaimer...

**Happy birthday, Guavi!!!**

I wish I owned _Kingdom Hearts_ and all related stuffs, but I don't. I don't consider it OOCness.

* * *

"And, I'm not sure… but I'm gonna say that this is your room!" Braig said offhandedly to the boy, while tossing the boy's sack into a small bedroom. Ienzo glared at him, then went in and picked up his bag. 

"You dolt, that is not my room! I will not take a room as small as the servants' quarters!" he yelled, stomping his foot like the child he was, and referring to the rooms they had passed a quarter of an hour prior. "You don't even know _where_ my room is because Master Ansem never even told you I was coming." Ienzo turned on his heel, walked out of the room, and then continued on his trek along the marble floors of the hallway.

Braig smiled, watching the kid (as he thought of him) walk off, then stuck his thumbs into his belt loops and followed, bored. "I was only joking! You don't hafta to take everything so seriously. Even though, ya know, I wouldn't mind you sleeping down here in the basement with the servants…" Ienzo glared over his shoulder and was about to say something, but stopped as a loud alarm began to sound. A few people (servants) ran out of closed doors and down the hallway, and Ienzo became scared witless at the din.

He became wide-eyed from the excitement and the small herd of people that ran past him. "What the Hell's going on? Is there a fire?!" Ienzo asked of Braig.

Smiling, Braig shook his head and explained. "Nope… that's the dinner bell." They followed the people that had just run by.

x.x.x

The apprentices of Ansem the Wise were seated at the strangely long dinner table: Braig, Ienzo, and Dilan on one side, with Even and Elaeus on the other. Ansem, who sat at the north end of the table, just happened to be absent, as he was investigating something he referred to as the "Door to Darkness" in some far off land, accompanied by a short friend that had conspicuously large ears. Cool.

It was a regular dinner at Radiant Garden's castle: a six course meal, plus wine and dessert. Braig was gorging himself as usual, while Ienzo looked on in disgust, making rude comments about week old clam chowder every now and then, and Dilan smirking to himself, Elaeus being elsewhere in his mind, and Even having a stare down with his quiche. Quiche sounds good. The seat opposite Ansem's was occupied…

Braig was raising a spoon full of tomato soup to his mouth, when he stopped in the middle of the act and sniffed the air. "Wait!" he shouted, and everyone stopped what they were doing. Even stopped poking at his food, Dilan's face went slack, D'Yem stopped in the middle of the doorway, nearly dropping the bottle of wine he had been carrying to the table. "I smell something… something…"

"It must be week old clam chowder…" Ienzo said under his breath, and Braig elbowed him in the eye.

"Not that… something else… I smell…" he turned to the south end of the table and his eyes widened. "I smell… the scent of an OC!" the man yelled, suddenly, pointing his finger at the voluptuous girl at the end of the table, causing everyone else, in turn, to direct their attention there as well. Several gasps were heard from various directions in the room and the ceiling. "There's an… _OC_ in the castle!" Braig said in disgust.

"What the Hell was the authoress thinking?!" Even questioned under his breath.

"Who, _meeeee_?" the girl asked in a sweet, innocent voice.

"Yes, _youuuuuuu_," said Braig, mocking her sweet tone. "Who the Hell are you, and what the Hell are you doing in this castle?!"

"Why, I'm Ienzo's fiancé!" All the men at the table, and D'Yem, looked to Ienzo for answers. The boy shrugged as the answer.

"Hell if I know who she is. I don't write the stories," he told them. "However, I do wish the dull authoress would consult me before giving me a girlfriend that was an exact replica of herself, except much more attractive." Ienzo crossed his arms and glared at no one in particular.

"Hey! I am not an exact replica of the authoress! I had a horrib--" but she was cut off by Elaeus.

"Yes, you had a horrible childhood. That's nice, moving on. We can't have an OC in this story, otherwise I quit. Seriously, it's completely nonsensical. I'm especially against having an OC in this story, when no one even knew she would be here," the man explained casually. "Normally the characters at least have some idea there will be an OC and have proper time to prepare how to act; except in those horrible stories written by thirteen year old girls that have just discovered how to use their imaginations and supplement their characters into storylines and makeup shit backgrounds between the OC and the actual characters. Pardon the vulgar language."

"But… I-" and she was cut off by Even.

"I agree. We can't have an OC… Not as a main character, or a main character's girlfriend, at the least!" said the blonde, pounding his fist down on the table, showing that he was set in his ways. "I'll leave, too, if she is allowed in the story." The Nameless Female OC pouted.

"…not that anyone would miss either of you…" Braig muttered under his breath. "But, since I'm the main character in the story and all, I have to take the initiative! How should we do this… get rid of the OC, I mean…" he pondered over this for a moment, as Even and Elaeus shot him glares, Dilan continued smirking (in between dignified sips of his dignified peach… and lime daiquiri), and Ienzo twirled spaghetti around his fork, bored. D'Yem fidgeted in the doorway, realizing that his being in this particular scene held no real importance to the progression of the story. "I know! We can push her out the window!"

All the men at the table cheered and they did just that, despite her protests and offers of orally pleasuring each of them with hours of invigorating conversation. They picked her up from the table, walked over to the window, and tossed her out, congratulating themselves on their cleverness and tact, and then sat back down and continued their meal.

"…and it's a good thing we're on the ground floor, too; otherwise D'Yem over there woulda had to clean her organs up off of the stone outside… and we all know we can't let _him_ within ten **feet **of a mop!" Braig said, laughing and slapping his knee, completely ignoring the evil glares D'Yem shot him as he set a plate of peas on the table and walked away to get some other food. Upon catching sight of the peas set down on the table before him, Ienzo became wide-eyed and edged his chair back away from the table by just a little bit.

"Ienzo… why are you sitting four feet away from the table?" Even questioned coldly while helping himself to the newly arrived peas.

"N… n… what? Wh--I'm not four feet away from the table!" answered Ienzo, moving his chair all the way forward, so his midsection was against the edge of the table, and smiling neurotically. "I have no idea what you're talking about!"

"I think he's afraid of the peas," Braig noted, manipulating the gravity on a biscuit from beside Ansem's seat and floating it into his hand. "He freaked out a bit when everyone's favorite karaoke star put them on the table," he said, jerking a thumb in D'Yem's direction and then buttering the aforementioned biscuit.

The boy turned in his chair to glower at Braig. "I… am **not** afraid of _peas_."

"It's okay if you have a fear. We've all got them. Braig's afraid of birds," Dilan explained, acting as if he was trying to console the boy.

"You were not supposed to tell anyone that!" yelled Braig, standing up and pointing at Dilan, who just smirked and ate a steamed carrot off the end of his fork.

"I'm not afraid of peas, anyway! I _love_ peas, in fact!" said Ienzo, standing to grab the bowl of peas from the center of the table and spooning some onto his plate. He put some in his mouth, while trying not to run away or gag. "See? I like peas!"

Turning to Even, Elaeus asked, "Even, is there a term for a 'fear of peas'?"

"Pea-ophobia!!" D'Yem shrieked from the doorway, his shrill voice shattering the wine glass that Even held.

"Aren't you clever," said the man, wiping wine off of his face with a napkin. "You know this will stain my shirt, correct?" D'Yem blushed, giggled, and then ran out of the room. "Bastard… And I have no idea what the fear of peas is, but I'm sure Ienzo has it," he replied in his 'I'm so much better than you all are' voice. I really do like Vexen.

"I thought it was funny…" Braig murmured, under his breath, shaping a volcano with his mashed potatoes. He had been super bored ever since the attention of the group shifted from him to Even a few lines up and he really wanted something to do. Just then! he had an idea as he watched the boy sitting between himself and Dilan move his peas around on his plate, eyeing them suspiciously. "Hey, Ienzo, why _are_ you afraid of peas?"

"I'm not afraid of peas, goddammit! Why won't you all get it thr--"

"Dude, you denying that you're not afraid of peas is like you saying that you're not short… which you are. So, just c'mon, why? Why are you afraid of peas?" asked Braig, grinning.

"There's no way in Hell I'd tell you why!! Even if I _was_ frightened by pathetic garden veg--" but he was cut off.

In the middle of his speaking and getting all angry and stuff, Braig changed the gravitational pull on Ienzo's peas and caused them to fly into his face. In turn, causing the boy to scream like a school girl in the presence of a spider, jump back in fright, and then dart out the doorway just as D'Yem was walking through, carrying a platter with various foods and a gravy boat on it. Needless to say (but I'll say it anyways), the platter fell to the floor and created a huge mess. Braig went into a fit of maniacal giggles while Dilan smirked maliciously, and the other two at the table shook their heads.

Suddenly stopping his giggling, Braig shifted his attention to D'Yem. "What the Hell did you do? Clean up that mess, immediately! Now, slave boy!" The slave boy's posture slumped into a pout as he walked through the doorway, again, grabbing the dropped dishes on the way out, and going to find a mop.

"You know, Braig, you're rather immature…" Even told him.

"Yeah, well… it was funny!"

"No. It was not."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was!" said Braig, in his defense.

"No, that was not funny at all. You made the poor boy cry," came the sensible voice of Elaeus.

"What's your point? It was fun--"

"No! It wasn't! Go, apologize to him! Otherwise you'll be banished from the dinner table!" Even said, crossing his arms adamantly.

"You know you're acting like a little kid, right?"

"Say you're sorry!" commanded the blonde, pointing his finger at the doorway.

Braig got up, seeing that he couldn't win, and walked to the stone arch that separated the dining room and the hallway before stopping and looking back wistfully. "Do I have to, Mommy?" Even shot a sharp glare his way that caused him to continue through, muttering things like "And _where _am I supposed to _look _for him?" on his way out. The blonde man smiled devilishly and took a bite of the quiche on his plate.

"You don't really care if Braig hurt Ienzo's feelings at all, do you?" Elaeus asked him.

"Of course I don't!" he replied after swallowing. "But it _was _funny, wasn't it?"

"Very much so," Dilan agreed. The three continued their meal in silence for a few moments before Dilan spoke again. "We're all going to Hell."

"Not before Braig does, though!" Even answered gleefully, and then ate the last bit of his quiche off his fork and smiled. "It will be a fun ride, at the least."

From down the hallway a shout from Braig was heard as he opened the door of a broom closet. "O my Go--Hell no! Whyyy? Do that in your room! Agh! I told you to stay away from mops! Gah!"

"But you said I had to clean the mess in the dining room up," was the last pout heard before Braig ran down the hall, randomly smacking his head against the stone, and beginning his search for Ienzo.

* * *

And that, my friends, was part deux. Released on Guavi's birthday, as a gift. Not as good as usual, but I was rushing to get it done today. 

I'm not sure if there was anything offensive in it, as I don't feel like rereading and editing it, so sorry if there was. I don't think I put anything about cutting oneself in there, but sorry just in case. My favorite part was when I typed something about the OC "orally pleasuring" the men… xD Yeah, definitely my favorite part of my fic.

Go see _Pan's Labyrinth_, it's a good movie, even if it is in Spanish.

Part tres should be out sometime, but I'm not sure when, as I have homework and a science project due in February, so suck it up. 'Kay:D Plus, I have to update _Mocking Bird_, and that might come first. Thank you in advance to those that share their love with me and review this story (because reviews are fun to read).

I ended up whoring myself out to _Tales of Symphonia_ instead of _Animal Crossing_, by the way. It's a fun game. And the Red Hot Chili Peppers are awesome. Really. The video for _Otherside_ is amazing. Watch it. Even if _This Velvet Glove_ is my favorite.

And watch _Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Abridged Series_ on YouTube. You'll love it.


	3. The Truth About Peas

Heyyyy. It's been awhile for this story. What? Seven or eight months? About?

Recap: In case you've forgotten, we last left off with Braig basically shoving peas in Ienzo's face, causing him to run off crying like a little whine-baby. M'kay. And looking back on that chapter… ooooo, the story's going far from well. Cuh-_rap_! Anyways.

Standard disclaimer of my sarcastic "No I don't own _Kingdom Hearts_" thing applies. OOCness.

* * *

About the same time that Braig was in the hall leading to the dining room and screaming about "OMIGOSH! NO MORE MOPS!!" Ienzo was far, far away. To be exact, he was under the staircase that was northeast of the dining room, was three floors above it, and at the completely opposite end of the castle. If ya caught all that, then good. You get a gold star.

But anyways, while Braig was banging his forehead against walls and looking for Ienzo, the boy was sitting under a staircase, knees clutched close to his chest and moaning his distaste for peas. And Braig. But mainly peas.

"Ooo_oooooooooo_," he moaned distastefully, rocking back and forth just a little. "Why the peas? W…Why did they have t-t-t-t-t-t-to show up into my life again…?" He began sobbing and biting at his lower lip in between sporadic bursts of speech. "_Whyyyyyyy-hyy-hyy-hyyyyyyyyyy_? I **hate** everything!"

With how loud his wails were, Braig was easily distracted from his head-banging (ha…ha) and found something new that he was interested in. The source of the whining, i.e. where Ienzo was hiding at. He promptly set off to locate that location.

It took him a long while to find where Ienzo was (what, with the sobs reverberating [damn cool word off the walls and throwing him off and everything), but Braig finally found the young man. When he did, though, he was shocked. Never before had he seen someone so depressed in his life. The boy was so down or nervous or whatever about the damned peas that he was sucking his thumb. It almost caused Braig to pity him. Which the man used to his advantage.

Braig planted his hands on his hips and looked underneath the staircase. "Awwww, what do we have here?" he cooed, in a manner that only mothers use to speak to newborn babies.

Looking up for just a moment, Ienzo's expression changed from depression to hatred and then to a morose hatred because he remembered the peas. "Leave me alone… you don't play nicely," he said and then rested his forehead on his knees so that Braig couldn't see his eyes.

The man's face changed from mock sympathy to feigned innocent confusion. "Now whatever could you be talking about?" he asked as he cupped a hand to his chin, in an attempt to look like he was thinking.

"You know damn well what I'm talking about…" Ienzo growled. "Peas do not just _fly_ into people's faces! Somehow _you_ made them come after me! I'm not stupid!" Baring his teeth, Ienzo looked up from his knees to glare at Braig until the man decided to leave.

"Whoa-hooo, now what's that look for, little gu_yyyyyyyyy_!" Braig basically said the final word of his sentence in a mixture of a yelp and a whine, as Ienzo had kicked his kneecap just after he finished the word 'little', causing Braig to fall to the floor, rubbing his injured knee, mumbling something about "killing the little prick". "Yeah, yeah, I know… ya don't like being called short or anything of the sort… But before ya tried to kill my right leg, I was going to tell ya that we have a different sort of peas here in Radiant Garden." For but a moment, the boy looked interested, but then decided to angst again. "O yes," Braig said, nodding sagely. "See, here, our peas have little wings. Most of the time they lose the wings at the factory where they're canned, but sometimes a batch of peas will escape the… um… anti-winger thing…er. See? So, you must have had some winged peas, and that's why they flew at your face!"

"Wow…" Ienzo said, face blank and eyes wide. "That has got to be… the **stupidest** story I have ever heard. You realize that you're a complete idiot, correct? I didn't see any wings on my peas, so, please, explain that to me," said the boy, folding his arms over his chest.

Thinking it over for a moment, Braig's face looked thoughtful and calm, only to change when a grin replaced the expression. "Well, duh, haven't ya learned anything? The wings are _invisible._"

"Forget what I said a few sentences ago… **That** is the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

Braig crossed his arms over his chest and an indignant look came over his face. "It's not stupid, it's the truth. _You're_ stupid for not believing it… be_caaaaaaaaaause_ I can prove it to you!" he said, while making a mental note to bribe Even into customizing a label for a can of peas. "But, anyways, I didn't come here to chat… I came here to console you!"

For a moment, Ienzo's eyes bulged out and he almost had another emotional breakdown, but he held himself together and lapsed into a would-be calm demeanor. "You… console me? You just ruined my life a few minutes ago, and now you want to make me feel better? This place makes no sense…" he said, and began to pout.

"O, sure it makes sense. Ya just gotta get used to it, then it's easy to understand. We're like one big, happy family here!" Braig exclaimed, with a big, sarcastic smile. "Now, please," he said, seating himself next to Ienzo, "think of me as your father figure, okay son?"

Ienzo made an exaggerated twitchy movement and drew himself farther away from Braig. However, the movement didn't go unnoticed by Braig, who then grabbed Ienzo by the hair and pulled him into a tight hug, which seemed like an attempt to suffocate him.

"Don't run away from me, son! You can't hide from the truth!" Braig shouted, while trying to keep the struggling Ienzo from running away.

"What the Hell are you talking about?! What truth?" yelled Ienzo, as he kicked the man in the stomach to get away. "This place is on drugs! I'm out of here!" And so, Ienzo tried to run away, only to trip as Braig jumped out and latched onto his ankle.

"Ya can't leave. Not until ya tell your father why you're so afraid of peas!" he said, calmly, yet neurotically. At the mere mention of the word 'peas', Ienzo nearly had a seizure, but still tried to tug his leg away from Braig, shouting something about 'not being your son, and don't mention peas!' all the while. "Peas…" Braig said quietly, causing Ienzo to go into another spasm.

"Shut up! Just leave me alone!"

"I'm not gonna stop until _you_ stop being so emo and tell me why peas scare ya so much," continued the man, in a seemingly bored manner.

Finally, Ienzo stopped trying to wrench his ankle away from Braig. "You promise to leave me alone? And you promise not to torment me with this?" Braig nodded, trying to suppress a mischievous grin. "Okay," the boy began, relaxing himself. "The reason…" and he actually struggled to say the word, "_peas_ frighten me so… is because… (sigh) When I was a small child--"

"But you still are a small child."

Ienzo growled, causing Braig to recoil. He continued with what he was saying, though slightly agitated. "As I was saying… when I was a small child, my family and I went to the supermarket. Now, my younger brother was a very 'wild child', and would run around the store, making a mess of the place just because he could. Well, on one particular occasion, there was a very large display of peas, set in a pyramid on a table down one of the aisles in the store. They were… (gulp) priced at three cans for ninety-nine cents… But that's not the point.

"I was walking past the display, calling out his name… trying to find him, for it was time to leave the store. As I walked past the… peas, my younger brother jumped out from behind the display, shouted 'surprise' in his jackass tone, and pushed the cans over on me… Some of the cans broke open when they hit the floor. Peas flew everywhere, pea juice filled the aisle… and I was buried underneath the cans, calling out for help… which didn't come. I must have been under the cans for twenty minutes, calling, weakly, for help, juice seeping in my hair and soaking my clothes." Ienzo had begun to sob quietly. "It was… traumatizing…"

Munching sounds were heard at Ienzo's side as he finished his dramatic recount of his experience with peas. He looked in the direction of the sounds and found Braig eating an especially toasty, crunchy, delectable grilled cheese sandwich, because popcorn is too cliché. I should have used pâté instead. Anyways, at the discovery of Braig not even paying attention to him, he nearly had an aneurysm.

"HEY! You're supposed to pity me!" Ienzo began shouting, as the other continued to nibble on his sandwich. "I told you this terrible thing that happened to me as a child, and you go down to the kitchen and get some--some _stupid_ sandwich," he spit out, for he couldn't find a better insult while in such a flustered state.

"Actually, this sandwich is nowhere near stupid, as you so eloquently put it. The sandwiches in this castle are made from the highest quality food products on the market, just as all other edible things here are." He paused for a moment, took a bite out of his sandwich, swallowed, and then continued. "Even the peas."

An exaggerated twitch of Ienzo's right eye ensued.

"But, I didn't miss the gist of the story, and that's what's important, right?" Braig finished the second half of his sandwich in one bite. "I got whatchoo were saying--something about pea cans. Anyways, anyways. While I was gettin' my sandwich, one of the kitchen workers, asked me to pick up some stuff at the store for 'im. He acts like I got nothin' to do but run errands! Pff… As I was saying… To get your mind off of… peas, you should come to the store with me," he ended, smiling big with little bits of bread and cheese in between his teeth.

"Close your mouth, you're disgusting! And… why would I go to the store, when there are… p-p-peas there?"

Braig's face was blank. "How did **you** spend your childhood? Curled up in a book or somethin'?"

"Yes… I was studying. How do you think I got here?" asked the boy, incredulous.

"Never you mind that question. It should have been obvious to me," Braig responded, waving his hand flippantly. "As I was saying… the store we're going to is big enough so that ya won't have to go anywhere near the damned peas you're so terrified by."

"Are you sure I'll be safe?"

"Yeah, yeah! Now let's just go," the man said impatiently.

"Fine."

And so, the two began their trek to 'the store.' They set off, going down the cliff, across the meadow, and through the woods of not-so-evil trees to the… Quikki Mart to run some errands.

* * *

Bum bum BUUUUUM! I resurrected the Quikki Mart thing from my very first chapter fic thing. Except, a year ago, the phrase went "down the canyon, across the valley, and through the forest of evil, evil trees to the Quikki Mart to buy some new cards." But who really remembers those days? I was young, I used a fandom to replace my friends. However, this summer, I've used actual video games and reading to replace me friends, which explains why I haven't typed up many fanfics. True dat?

Anyways… _The Godfather_ is a kick-ass movie. Ta-dah. Sorry this chapter sucked _sooo much_. It was basically just there to set up the stage for the next chapter, which should be out sometime during… October? Haha. I really don't know when it'll be out. Yup, just a filler chapter.

Review? Tell me it sucked, and how much of an absolute crack fic it is? Enjoy your last few days of summer, I start school next week. Ciao.


End file.
